Mr. Sand gets around. Building managers traditionally invoke his name when there’s a fire, and he seems to serve the London Underground as well. This type of circumlocution, called schematismus in rhetoric, can help prevent a stampede of panicky patrons. Instead of yelling “Fire!” over the P.A. system, the manager calmly asks for Mr. Sand.

The schematismus makes for one of the more enjoyable figures. There’s an old legend about schematisms in Pidgin, a potpourri of dialects spoken in the English colonies. The pidgin for elevator was “room go up belly down.” For piano it was “big black box hit him in teeth he cries.” Or so Figaro heard.

We just pity anyone actually named Sand who wishes to become a ticket inspector.

Snappy Answer: “And would everyone else please run screaming from the building.”