It’s label Monday! Figures and trope lie behind all great political and marketing labels. So every Monday (that is, every Monday that Figaro thinks of it), we’ll construct a label and show you how we did it.
This week’s label: snoop porn.
We refer to those fun body scanners in airports. Figaro is convinced that benign terrorists are working for the day when we all parade docilely, stark naked, through airport security. So they get a guy to light up his shoes, and bingo! Barefoot security. Encouraged, they get a second, very committed guy to set fire to his underpants. Expect a flammable brassiere on a future flight, along with some very interesting YouTube footage.
Runners-up for body-scanner labels:
- Buff cycle
- Junk yard
- Molestinator
- Pervinator
- Thingamabuse
To create these labels, Figaro listed key words that sum up the controversy: snoop, porn, naked, genitals, and machine. Then he went to an online thesaurus and found synonyms. The phrases were easy—just find a fun combo. “Thingamabuse” is a portmanteau, which comes harder; you need to figure how to work puns into the syllables of existing words. We’ll explain more in a future labeling exercise.
Meanwhile, keep your pants on.