The Gang That Shoots Straight

Quote:  “We remain committed to our principle, that we will not do anything that undermines the program’s capabilities or the president’s authority.” White House spokeswoman Dana Perino.

Figure of Speech:  circumlocution (cir-cum-lo-CUE-tion), the rhetorical end run.

Republicans on the House Intelligence Committee say they have reached a deal, sort of, with the White House on warrantless wiretaps.  The administration will get to do what it wants for 45 days at a time, provided it tells a few more members of Congress that it was necessary.  “We will continue to spy on Americans regardless of Congress and will not allow it to check any of the president’s self-proclaimed authority,” said the White House spokeswoman.

Actually, she didn’t say that at all.  She only meant that.  Circumlocution (“speaking around”) has been an essential tool of politics since ancient Athens.

Speaking in the negative has become a Washington taboo.  We’re a positive country; we’re Pro Everything.  So poor Perino had to tie herself into a semantic pretzel to avoid saying the White House is Anti the Will of Congress.  It’s “Pro Not Doing Anything That Undermines Etc.”

Snappy Answer:  “Can you repeat that principle again?”

There Is a Season, Burn, Burn…

Quote:  “This is our time.” South Dakota State Representative Roger Hunt.

Term:  kairos (KIE-ros), the art of seizing the moment.

South Dakota’s governor signed a scorched-earth abortion law that jails doctors who end pregnancies unless the mother’s life is threatened.  No exceptions for rape, incest, or girls raped by fathers.  The law’s sponsors are banking on the retirement of moderate-left Justice John Paul Stevens before the almost-certain showdown in the Supreme court.

Rep. Hunt brings up the ancient rhetorical factor called kairos (occasio in Latin), which means both the opportunity and the ability to spot and exploit it.  The Bible’s Ecclesiastes is a poem to kairos.

Not all abortion opponents are singing hosannas, though.  What if Stevens doesn’t retire, the Supremes knock the state’s law on the head, and an aroused pro-choice public elects the wrong person for president?

The Romans actually had a god called Occasio.  He was athletic in front, balding behind (get it?), and, we imagine, had fingernails bitten to the quick.

Snappy Answer:  “And 2008 won’t be?”

Quail Hunters Would Call It “Blaze Orange”

Quote:  “Not saying supporting actress nominee Michelle Williams’ dress was too orangy, but we did have a sudden hankering for Kraft mac and cheese…” L.A. Times.

Figure of Speech:  apophasis (a-PA-pha-sis), the deny- you’re- saying- it figure.

The what- were- they- thinking dress at this year’s Academy Awards draped Michelle Williams, who played a suffering wife in “Brokeback Mountain.” The gown (aVera Wang) is a vision—of a side dish.

The L.A. Times writer has an appetite for archness that comes out in an apophasis, which ironically expresses something by denying it.  Why not just write that Williams’ dress looked like mac and cheese?  Because the use of irony—plus the droll “hankering” and the ellipses—alert us that the line is supposed to be funny.

Not saying the Times is being catty, but throw the paper an anchovy.

Snappy Answer:  “You’re surely not saying that ‘orangy’ is a word, either.”

So Be Good for Goodness’ Sake

Quote:  “This is Santa Claus negotiating.” George Perkovich of the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, in the Washington Post.

Figure of Speech:  periphrasis (pa-RIH-phra-sis), the figure that swaps a description with a proper noun, or vice versa.

The U.S. and India just concluded a deal that lets the world’s largest democracy ignore the Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty and build fast-breeder reactors. Two of them will be free to make nuclear weapons without UN inspection.  The Carnegie Endowment’s veep for studies registers his dismay with a periphrasis (“to declare around”).

We invaded Iraq in pursuit of non-existent weapons of mass destruction, because Iraq was bad; we’re helping India make nukes because India is good. The logic is nothing new. We used it during the Cold War when we supported Osama bin Laden.

Snappy Answer:  “Indians don’t believe in Santa, so they’re going to Hell anyway.”

OK, Forget “Fog.” But Bush Wants to Keep “War.”

Quote:  “I don’t buy the ‘fog of war’ defense.  It was a fog of bureaucracy.” Former FEMA director Michael Brown, speaking to the Associated Press.

Figure of Speech:  antistasis (an-TIS-ta-sis), the figure that changes a word’s meaning.

The White House says its incompetent response to Hurricane Katrina resulted from limited and confusing information—“the fog of war,” they call it.  “I don’t think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees,” President Bush said four days after Hurricane Katrina.

But videotape leaked to the AP shows Bush himself was well warned—by Brown among others.  Brown fires off an antistasis (“anti-position”), which repeats a word in order to change its meaning.  The antistasis lets you use an opponent’s own term to redefine the issue.

Brown is making a good start on the post-hurricane restoration of…Brown.

Snappy Answer:  “And now, apparently, we’re in the fog of spin.”

He Called Her “Miss,” and He Meant It to Sting

Quote:  “Miss Cleavage.” Pierce Marshall, resentful stepson of Anna Nicole Smith.

Figure of Speech:  antonomasia (an-to-no-MAY-sia), the descriptive nickname.

Classic love story:  Stripper marries doddering oilman, becomes grieving widow, gets stiffed of inheritance by oilman’s son, and sues all the way to the Supreme Court. “Quite a story,” says a sentimental Justice Breyer, almost wiping a tear from his eye.

When Pierce Marshall, 67-year-old son and alleged heir of Anna Nicole Smith’s hubby, refers to his 36-year-old stepmom as “Miss Cleavage,” he employs an antonomasia (“to name instead”). The figure uses a short description as a substitute for a proper name. The antonomasia can also work the other way, with a proper name as a description— referring to a soldier as a Rambo, for instance, or calling an obsequious black man Uncle Tom.

Snappy Answer:  “That’s one thing you can’t steal.”