Just what every cartoon-loving rhetorician has been waiting for!  Click on a figure for definition and pronunciation.

Lisa:  Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon.
Figure:  Anamnesis

Ned Flanders:  You ugly hate-filled man.
Moe:  Hey. I may be ugly and I may be hate-filled but ... uh ... what was that last thing you said?
Figures:  Amphidiorthosis, Paromologia

Homer:  Homer no function beer well without.
Figure:  Anoiconometon

Superintendent Chalmers:  "Thank the Lord"? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don't have a place within an organized religion.

Figure:  Antapodosis

Homer:  “This gun had a hold on me.  I felt this incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.”
Figure:  Anthropopatheia

Marge:   Homer, I don't want you driving around in a car you built yourself.
Homer:  You can sit there complaining, or you can knit me some seat belts.
Figure:  Antithesis

Moe:  Uh, how do I say this without being offensive? Marge, there ain't enough booze in this place to make you look good.
Term:  Aporia

Homer:  When will you people learn?  In America we stopped using corporal punishment and things have never been better.  The streets are safe, old people strut confidently through the darkest alleys and the weak and nerdy are admired for their computer programming abilities.  So, like us, let your children run wild and free, for as the Bible tells us, "Let your children run wild and free."

Figure:  Apomnemonysis

Ralph:  Me fail English? That's unpossible.
Figure:  Barbarismus

Apu:  Hello.  I am not interested in buying your house, but I would like to use your rest room, flip through your magazines, rearrange your carefully shelved items and handle your food products in an unsanitary manner.  Ha! Now you know how it feels! (runs off])
Term:  Chreia

Sideshow Bob:  You want the truth! You can't handle the truth! No truth handler you! Bah! I deride your truth handling abilities!
Figure:  Conduplicatio

Homer:  How is education supposed to make me feel smarter?  Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain.  Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Term:  Converse accident fallacy; Martyria

Homer:  Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably.  The lesson is, never try.
Figure:  Diatyposis

Milhouse:  Not only am I not learning, I'm forgetting stuff I used to know.
Figure:  Dirimens copulatio

Marge:  Homer, I thought our marriage could survive anything, but last night, you not only crossed the line, you threw up on it.
Figure:  Dirimens copulatio

Lisa:  Dad, don't you think you're overreacting?
Homer:  Don't you think you're underreacting?
Lisa:  This conversation is over.
Homer:  This conversation is under.
Lisa:  Goodbye.
Homer:  Badbye
Term:  Elenchus

Homer:  Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa:  No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer:  This has purple in it.  Purple is a fruit.
Term:  Enthymeme

Principal Skinner:  That's why I love elementary school, Edna.  The children believe anything you tell them.
Term:  Enthymeme

Moe:  I'm better than dirt.  Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.
Figure:  Epexegesis

Moe:  Oh Lisa, there's no record of a hurricane ever hitting Springfield.
Lisa:  Yes, but the records only go back to 1978 when the hall of records was mysteriously blown away.
Figure:  Epitrope, Paromologia

Homer:  If he's so smart, how come he's dead?
Terms:  Erotesis; Enthymeme

Homer: I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
Term:  Ethos

Krusty:  Thirty-five years in show business and already nobody remembers me. Just like what's his name, and whos-its, and you know, that guy, who always wore a shirt.
Term:  Exemplum

Homer:  We can outsmart those dolphins. Don't forget -- we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole, AND the pudding cup.
Term:  Exemplum

Mother Simpson:  [sings] How many roads must a man walk down / Before you can call him a man...
Homer:  Seven.
Lisa:  No, dad, it's a rhetorical question.
Homer:  OK, eight.
Lisa:  Dad, do you even know what "rhetorical" means?
Homer:  Do I know what "rhetorical" means?
Figure:  Hypophora; Erotesis

Homer:  Facts are meaningless.  You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
Term:  Logos

Homer:  Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
Figure:  Metanoia

Mayor Quimby:  I stand by my racial slur.
Figure:  Metastasis

Barlow:  Sideshow Bob, councilman Les Whinen says that you're not experienced enough to be mayor.  Sir, what do you have to say about that?
Sideshow Bob:  I'd say that Les Whinen ought to do more thinking and less whining!
Figure:  Paronomasia

Moe:  Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.
Figure:  Parrhesia

B.T. Barlow:  Mr. Mayor, I have a question for you.....what if YOU came home one night to find your family tied up and gagged, with SOCKS in their mouths. They're screaming. You’re trying to get in but there's too much BLOOD on the knob!!!!!
Quimby:  What is your question about?
B.T.  Barlow:  It's about the budget sir.
Terms:  Pathos; Cohortatio; Paraenesis

Grandpa:  Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays.  Please eliminate three.
P.S.  I am not a crackpot.
Figure:  Prolepsis

Sideshow Bob:  By the way, I'm aware of the irony of appearing on TV in
order to decry it, so don't bother pointing that out.
Figure:  Prolepsis

Lisa:  Relax? I can't relax! Nor can I yield, relent, or... Only two synonyms? Oh my God, I'm losing my perspicacity! Aaaaa!
Figure:  Synonymia

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