It's Magic!

From Ask Figaro:

 Dear Figaro,
In The Last Unicorn, Peter Beagle described the unicorn as having amarathine eyes. This uses both meanings of “amarathine” simultaneously (undying and a purple color) without it being a pun or zeugma. Is there a word for this literary device?
Teek

Dear Teek,
It is indeed a kind of pun called the antanaclasis (an-ta-NA-cla-sis), or double entendre. Not the joking, play-on-words kind of pun, the antanaclasis strikes a rhetorical chord, causing the word to vibrate with its double meaning — a bicorn, if you will.
Fig.

The Rhetorical Antidote to Football

From Ask Figaro:

Dear Fig,

My boyfriend is a football fanatic and likes to spend his entire day on Sunday watching football. I am super busy with school and don’t even enjoy watching football all that much. But when he gives me that “puppy dog” look it is so hard for me to say no, so I will turn to him and say, “Okay, but just for a minute.” As I lie down he will say sweet things such as “I just love you so much and I want you to enjoy the things I enjoy. I know you are tired you have had such a busy week — just lay here and we can cuddle and have a lazy day.”

Well. how do you say no to this? My boyfriend and I have a great relationship and we spend as much time together as we can, but unfortunately we are both very busy and have little time to relax together. In the end I usually spend the entire day watching football. However, the next day I am even more stressed because I didn’t accomplish what I needed to.

What do you think?

Always Convinced

Dear A.C.,

Figaro fantasizes in the shower about being Dear Abby.  So let’s analyze Football Boy’s argument and gin up a defense for each one:

Pathos:  F.B. appeals to your caring instincts. Why do women fall for that stupid “puppy look,” anyway? To defend against it, use humor — “Oh, no, not the puppy dog look! I can feel its tractor beam!” In other words,  counter a stupid expression with a stupid expression.

Ethos: Football Boy uses the character trait of EUNOIA, or disinterested good will, by claiming he cares only for your mutual happiness. Use this ju-jitsu move against it: “I think it’s great you want to share. Turn off the TV so we can list those things we both love.”

Logos:  F.B. employs the ENTHYMEME, “You’re tired, therefor lie with me.” (Figaro is deliberately fixing the poor boy’s grammar.) Your counterargument? “I’d be less tired if you helped me clean up.”

Ignore Figaro’s advice at your peril! Without a strong dose of rhetoric, you’re doomed to be Football Boy’s servant — with privileges.

Fig.

Does This Make My Bottom Line Look Fat?

Quote:  “In labor relations the bottom line isn’t always the bottom line.”  James Surowiecki in the New Yorker.

Figure of Speech:  antistasis (an-TIS-ta-sis), the repeat that changes meaning. From the Greek, meaning “opposing position.” Also antistrophe (an-TIS-tro-phee), the last-word repeater.  From the Greek, meaning “turning around.” (Also called epistrophe.)

Yes, we just plugged the antistasis. But don’t you see, Figaro loves the antistasis! It’s such a witty little figure.

The wielder in this case, New Yorker staff writer James Surowiecki, uses it to describe the dilemma that striking television and movie writers face. Yeah, they already make plenty of dough ($200,000 a year, according to the industry). But the scribes say they aren’t striking out of greed. They’re striking for justice: they want their fair share from shows played on the Internet.

Rhetoric that cries for justice can work when you want to change society, but it can bollix a practical negotiation. Why? Because the justice argument uses demonstrative rhetoric, while a negotiation requires political, deliberative rhetoric. Which raises the question: What in blazes is Figaro talking about? For answers, see the excerpts from Figaro’s book on values and the three basic issues.

Snappy Answer: At bottom, that’s a great line.

They'll Only Listen If It's Evil

Quote:  “It’s just another ‘trust us, we’re the government.’” Kurt Opsahl, senior staff lawyer with the Electronic Frontier Foundation

Figure of Speech:  metallage (meh-TALL-uh-gee), the getting all medieval figure. From the Greek, meaning “making a swap.”

The feds are using My Space as a model for privacy policy. Your right should be limited to protecting you from getting your identity stolen or your bank account drained, according to Donald Kerr, principal deputy director of national intelligence.

A privacy advocate responds with a first-rate metallage, a figure that takes a verb or adjective and uses it as the object of a sentence. You can hear it in the movie Pulp Fiction, when Ving Rhames threatens to “get all medieval on your ass.” Parents use it when they ask their children, “What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand? And the president tossed one at the Democrats when he called them “the party of cut and run.” We’re talking heavy metallage music here.

Figaro especially likes Mr. Opsahl’s metallagizing, because it employs a commonplace that works for both the left and the right in this great libertarian country of ours.

We just hope the government doesn’t get all Putin on us for saying that.

Snappy Answer:  “Can you repeat that? Our tape ran out.”

The Hills Are...ALIVE!!!!

From Ask Figaro:

There is a line in a song that intrigues me. I have been pondering its meaning and wondered if you could help. The song is by Nightwish. The lyrics are written by Tuomas Halopainen.

Finally, the hills are without eyes
They are tired of painting
a dead man’s face red with his own blood

Dreamer Deceiver

Dear D.D.,

Apparently, Mr. Halopainen (the stress is on the “painen”) employed a kind of poetry software called LyricShop and slid the bar all the way toward Pretentious.

The song commits the bathetic fallacy, attributing inappropriate emotions to an inanimate object. Figaro’s advice to those tired hills: quit painting.

Fig.

Best Figure for Sounding Poetic

Figaro is on tour, but he has not shirked his figurative duties. He’s written up the best figure for each of several useful purposes.

Today’s Figgy for Most Poetic Figure goes to…

anastrophe (an-ASS-tro-fee), the word-order switch. From the Greek, meaning “turning back.”

The anastrophe moves words around like a shell game, keeping the audience attentive and a bit off balance. Figaro likes to use the figure for poetic emphasis or eloquence, or to sound like a Jedi:

“Seldom in my life have I met a dumber man.” (Lawrence Wilkerson)
“It’s hard out here for a lobbyist.” (Emily Yoffe)
“Words he has in spades.”
“Named must your fear be before banish it you can.” (Yoda)
“Not if anything to say about it I have.” (Yoda again)

Be careful not to overuse the anastrophe. Like a good sauce it is; smother the meat you don’t want it to.

Runners-Up:

symploce (SIM-plo-see), the first-and-last repeater.
polysyndeton (polly-SIN-deh-ton), the conjunction connector.