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Figaro rips the innards out of things people say and reveals the rhetorical tricks and pratfalls. For terms and definitions, click here.
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    “Gimme five, Supreme Boy!”

    karl.jpgQuote: “Turd Blossom.” Nickname President Bush gave to consigliore/leaker Karl Rove, along with the more flattering but still condescending “Boy Wonder”

    Figure of Speech:  Tapinosis (tap in OH sis),  the nickname figure; also Meiosis (my OH sis), the shrinking figure

    The president’s use of nicknames displays his genial, what’s-there-not-to-like sense of humor.  And it contains a powerful underlying message:  I’m Leader of the Free World, and you’re not. When Bush calls Russian President Vladimir Putin "Pootie-Poot," communications chief Karen Hughes "Lima Green Bean," and California Senator Barbara Boxer "Ali" (get it?), he establishes a private, just-you-and-me-kid relationship while showing who’s the alpha male.

    Not all of Bush’s nicknames fall strictly under the tapinosis figure.  His playful moniker for Vice President Dick Cheney? "Big Time."  Eat your heart out, Boy Wonder.

    Snappy Answer:  Sorry.  There isn't any.  He's the President, and you're not.

    Figaro  (Call me  Mad Dog)

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    I'm, like, totally there!

    britney spears SMALL.jpgQuote:  “Hey, it’s Britney Spears. Can I just tell you, I had a blast at your party— seriously, your friends are really cool. Next time I have a party, you’re totally invited.”  Automated cell phone message recorded by Spears.  Subscribers who paid $19.95 for three months also got to hear Spears read their horoscopes.

    Figure of Speech:  Parelcon  (puh-REL-con), the "like" figure

    A parelcon adds a superfluous word such as “totally” or "like" to a sentence.  You could argue, though, that “totally” isn't superfluous at all.  It constitutes a figure of amplification, making Britney’s thousands of listeners know that she will absolutely positively invite them to her next theoretical party.

    Also anthypallage  (an thigh PAL uh gee), the "I'm there!" figure

    Anthypallage changes the tense of a sentence for emphasis. “When I have a party, you’re totally there.” Britney fans (excluding a few million middle-aged men with teen fantasies) often use this figure to lend immediacy to the recital of a conversation: “I go, ‘No way,’ and he’s, like, ‘Don’t you love me?’”

    Also Paradiastole  (pa ruh die ASS toh lee), the "But seriously, folks" figure

    Putting unlike things together—“seriously” and Britney Spears.

    Snappy Anwer:  "I'm a middle-aged man pretending to talk to Britney on my cell phone!"   (I mean, ick.)


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    "I'm Not Going to Say It, But I Will"

    lance-small.jpgQuote: "An individual can never dictate their legacy. That's not my job. It doesn't matter. Whatever the people decide it is, it is. I'm a kid from Texas that learned how to ride a bike fast and overcame a life-threatening illness to come back and win the hardest sporting event in the world seven times. So I'll let the other people write on the tombstone."—Lance Armstrong, after winning his seventh and last Tour de France

    Figure of Speech: apophasis (a-PAH-fa-sis)

    Apophasis means “denial” in ancient Greek. You deny what you actually mean.  It’s not my job to dictate my legacy, says Lance, and in the same richly oxygenated breath, he dictates his legacy.  

    The reigning masters of apophasis are the politicians who say, “I’m no politician.”  Not that I have anything against politicians, those lying, thieving bastards.

    Snappy Answer:  "Uh, Lance, didn't you just write your tombstone?"


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