You’re Getting Warmer

Quote:  “I will follow him to the gates of Hell.”  Senator John McCain, referring to Osama bin Laden during the Republican presidential debate.

Figure of Speech: euche (YOO-kay), the vow.  From the Greek, meaning “vow.”

A bevy of ten GOP hopefuls revealed that they believe in evolution (except for a craven three who signaled they do not), and that they wouldn’t mind if the Supreme Court banned abortion.

John McCain, for his part, came locked and loaded.  When asked a dumb question about immigration, McCain dealt with it briskly and then recalled a previous dumb question about how hard we should try to get bin Laden.  The answer:  real hard.

The euche — a vow never to say die — is a classic figure of Ethos, persuasive language that enhances your image.  It makes your character seem reliable.  Even relentless.

Figaro especially loves McCain’s reference to Hell, which implies a struggle between good and evil.  Don’t examine examine a euche like that for logic, though.  One doubts that bin Laden would find refuge anywhere near the gates of Hell, unless he mistakes Hell for Pakistan.

Snappy Answer:  “Better start right now.”

For more Ethos enhancers, see page 86 of Figaro’s book.

Why Queens Don’t Have Video Cameras

Quote:  “You do not want to see Her Majesty breakdancing or bathing in a vat of asses’ milk.”  William Feaver, referring to a new photograph of Queen Elizabeth II, in Time.

Figure of Speech:  ecphrasis (EC-phra-sis), the figure of special effects. From the Greek, meaning “speak out.”

Annie Leibovitz ‘s portrait of the Queen sitting primly in a drawing room, fully clothed, is  a departure from the photographer’s creative and often unflattering work. 

British writer William Feaver thinks a traditional approach is a good idea when the Queen is your subject; but he blithely violates his own rule with vivid pictures of royal randomness.  He’s using an ecphrasis, a figure that compactly infuses an argument with enargeia, producing images before the audience’s very eyes.  They stay in your head, however unwelcome, like an ad jingle.

The ecphrasis often refers to a famous quotation or image from history, by the way.  Cleopatra was said to bathe in ass’s milk.  It makes one’s skin smooth and creamy, and presumably makes it easier to tolerate the asses in one’s own royal family.

Snappy Answer:  “Ick.”

You...You Moderate, You!

Quote:  “Rudy McRomney is not a conservative.”  Presidential aspirant Jim Gilmore, speaking on CNN’s “The Situation Room.”

 

Figure of Speech:  portmanym (PORT-man-nym), the figure of conjoined names.  From the words portmanteau and eponym.

Ronald Reagan’s Eleventh Commandment was “Thou shalt not speak ill of thy fellow Republicans.”  So much for the Eleventh Commandment.   Gilmore charges that fellow Republicans Rudy Giuliani, John McCain, and Mitt Romney have been caught on videotape expressing “moderate to liberal views.” What’s more, Romney and Giuliani have admitted to living in the Northeast.  Which must mean they condone sexual perversion and mass transit.

Gilmore kills three political birds with one figurative stone, smooshing the front-running trio into one portmanym, Rudy McRomney. Figaro made up the word portmanym by portmanteau’ing portmanteau (the merger of two words and their meanings) and eponym (a word named after a person).  Gilmore’s portmanym turns his opponents into a single waffling moderate (who looks alarmingly like Ted Kennedy in our photo reconstruction).

Just don’t tell Hillary Obamwards.

Snappy Answer:  “Don’t ever change, Governor, or we’ll call you ‘Gilmorph.’”

For more fun ways to screw up the English language, click here. 

Our President Is a Right Proper Grammarian.

Quote:  “This is an honest, honorable man, in whom I have confidence.”  President Bush on Attorney General Alberto Gonzales.

Figure of Speech:  hyperbaton (hy-PER-ba-ton), the word-order shift.  From the Greek, meaning “to step over.”

Want to tell when a politician is uncomfortable with his own words?  Watch for departures from his usual syntax.  Instead of showing confidence in the attorney general, today’s quote betrays a lack of confidence.

A confident Bush would have said, “This is an honorable man.  I have confidence in him.”

Instead, he employs an awkward word order that grammarians use to avoid dangling a participle (“in whom I have confidence”).  And he adds a protests-too-much “honest.”  Sure, some speechwriter may have fed him those words.  But Bush is a famously stern editor.  He insists on simple, direct, not necessarily grammatical sentences.  Except when he doesn’t.

Polish that resume, Berto.

Snappy Answer:  “He’s the sort of crony whose incompetence up with which you too much put.”

Want to talk like Bush?  Click here. 

(Gulp)

Quote:  “In great and growing numbers, people are voting with their forks for a different sort of food system.”  Michael Pollan in the New York Times Sunday Magazine.

Figure of Speech:  metonymy (meh-TON-ih-mee), the part-whole swap.   From the Greek, meaning “name change.”

If we are what we eat, America is a Twinkie.  Michael Pollan, author of The Omnivore’s Dilemma, explains why our poorest citizens are the fattest:  a calorie of carrot costs almost five times as much as a calorie of cookie.  That’s because the government subsidizes overproduction wheat, soy (which provides much of the fat in processed food) and corn (syrup).

Blame the Farm Bill, which is up for its five-year renewal.  Actually, it’s not a farm bill, Pollan asserts.  It’s a “food bill.”  The legislation “needs to be rewritten with the interests of eaters placed first.” Eaters are beginning to have a say, as schools expel vending machines and Wall Mart hawks organic foods.  Pollan describes the shift with a metonymy, one of the four essential figures of speech (along with metaphor, synecdoche, and irony).  A metonymy takes a part of something and makes it stand for the whole. 

Napoleon’s army marched on its metonymical stomach.  Pollan says it’s our turn to take the food crisis and stick a fork in it.  As a life-long eater, Figaro salutes his utensil.

Snappy Answer:  Congress’s problem isn’t corn or soy.  It’s pork.

 For more on the metonymy, see page 212 of Figaro’s book.

Watch Me Reveal My Strategy

Thought you might like to see this recent entry in Ask Figaro. — Fig.

Dear Figaro:  What does it mean when a person says “Don’t dance on your own table,” in the context of a discussion about building teamwork?
Ricardo

Dear Ricardo,
If you’re wearing nothing but a g-string, you’ll get better tips if you shake your booty elswhere.  It’s a metaphorical kind of idiom — a group of words that have their own collective meaning.  Stripping analogies are strutting onto the business lexicon like never before, reflecting the pornification of our culture.  Now everybody wants to make figures like a porn star.
Figaro