Doctoring "No"

Focus groups throughout this great land are telling political consultants that they vastly prefer a “yes” attitude to a negative one. That’s just about the only political asset the White House has to go with these days. So it’s turning the big Republican “No” into a label to increase GOP rating negatives.

Ultimately, the American people 
won’t take “no” for an answer.

Talking points sent to allies by the White House

metallage (meh-TALL-uh-gee, the getting all medieval figure. From the Greek, meeting “swap.”

The metallage takes a part of speech that isn’t a noun and uses it as the object of a sentence. In this case, the Democrats want to link the word with Republicans.

While the sentence is very clever (and what clever people Democrats are!), it doesn’t quite do enough to stick the N-word on the collective chest of Republicans. To label an opponent indelibly, you can’t just associate that opponent with a word. You practically have to tattoo the word onto the opponent’s big, job-creating butt.

That’s why Figaro would be happier with a rhetorical strategy that characterized Republicans’ negative attitude rather than their actions. They’re whiners. Hand-wringers. People who say “We can’t do that.” Who get hysterical when a bunch of goofy unemployed young people carry sleeping bags to Wall Street. Who gasp in dismay when a Senate candidate in Massachusetts suggests that jillionaires had societal help making their jillions.

At least the Democrats are trying to catch up with the Republicans’ far superior rhetoric. But listen to Figaro: Enough with calling the GOP the party of “No.” Enough with fretting over the Tea Party. Call the Republicans the Whine Party.

Figaro on the Radio

I’m doing 34 radio interviews tomorrow, planning my bathroom breaks like Desert Storm.  About a third of the interviews are live.  All of the times are East Coast to keep me from getting confused.

7:15 Cleveland  WELW-AM Morning Show

7:30 Orlando WLKF-AM Morning Show

8:15 Greenville, NC WTKF-FM, WJNC-AM Daybreak

8:40 Baltimore WOCM-FM Morning Show

8:50 Tri Cities WJCW Thinkin’ Out Loud

10:30 Hartford, New Haven, CT WDRC-FM, WWCO-AM, WSNG-AM, WMMU-AM Morning Show

11:10 Los Angeles KKZZ-AM Mary Jones Show

11:50 Southern New Jersey WOND-AM, WMGM-FM, WTKU-FM Midday Show

1:30 Sacramento KAHI-AM Midday Show

2:40 Omaha KMA-AM Midday Show

3:35 Providence WSAR-AM PM Drive Show

Don’t forget to translate East Coast times into your local time!  And stay tuned for more…

Figaro Brings You the Gift of Immortality

Billions of people have said to me (using Figaro’s nickname), “Jay, your arguing book has saved my marriage, found me the love of my life, and made me a multi-millionaire. But something’s still missing from my life. Or, rather, my afterlife. I want to become immortal without spending a dime, so I can leave my millions tax-free to my job-creating children.”

Well, Figaro has listened to the People. Next Tuesday, Three Rivers Press (a division of Crown, which is a division of Random House, which is a house undivided) will publish Word Hero, a book that allows you to bon-mot your way to eternal life.  Employing the figures and tropes you see in this blog, I show how to craft memorable lines that make people remember you.

As a special treat to my fellow Figarists, here’s an extended excerpt.  You’ll find even more meaty samples on the Word Hero website.

Word Hero is already getting pre-pub raves on Amazon, though the book can sure use a few hundred more five-star reviews (hint). 

Email me if you have any questions, or just want to thank me for eternal life. (You’re welcome!)

His Pants Are on Fire, Too

President Obama almost seems like he enjoys his newfound snarky side.  He pulled off a neatly executed hyperbole in his latest speech, and as a bonus, solicited a rhetorical gasp from Rick Perry’s mouthpiece. The fun has just begun! Here’s the Obama quote.

You’ve got a governor whose state is on fire denying climate change.

hyperbole (hie-PER-bo-lee), the exaggerator. From the Greek, meaning “throw beyond.”

The hyperbole is the super-tool of exaggeration. Because it twists reality without lying, the tool qualifies as a trope.  The entire state of Texas isn’t literally on fire. Just huge black chunks of it. 

At the same time, Obama is using a figure of thought that combines contrasts to make a point.

antitheton (an-TITH-a-ton), the proof consisting of opposites. From the Greek, meaning “opposite points.” 

The antitheton is a great way to claim that someone is a hypocrite or, even better, crazy. Obama makes Perry sound like an environmental Nero.  The figure seems to have hit home. “It’s outrageous President Obama would use the burning of 1,500 homes, the worst fires in state history, as a political attack,” Perry spokesman Ray Sullivan emailedPolitico. 

Yes, the spokesman for the man who called the chairman of the Fed a traitor is accusing the president of being…insensitive. Figaro is loving this election already.

She's Too Late for Silent Films

Michael, one of our loyal Figarists, wrote us about Kim Delaney’s incoherent speech, which she delivered after her teleprompter went on the fritz.  “Cicero is turning in his grave moaning O tempora! O mores!” Michael wrote.  

It’s true that memorization was once considered an essential skill of oratory (along with invention, arrangement, style, and delivery).  With our new book coming out, we’re giving a lot more speeches ourselves lately, and we try to deliver them without notes.  How? By memorizing a few key lines and winging the rest.  It takes practice.  Which poor, beautiful Kim Delaney clearly hasn’t had.

“It was different in Charlie’s day,” Michael said, and he included this video.  It sure was different.  Back then, if you forgot your words, you simply switched to Foreign!

Republicans Sure Can Shovel!

Gary Johnson, a former New Mexico governor and hopeless GOP hopeful for president, got off a good one in Thursday night’s debate, by getting scatological with a belonging trope called the synecdoche. 

My next door neighbor’s two dogs have created more shovel-ready jobs than this president.

synecdoche (sin-ECK-doe-kee), a belonging trope. Takes a part or member and makes it represent the whole thing. From the Greek, meaning “swap.”

Figaro loves the expression “shovel ready” almost as much as he loves “boots on the ground.” Both of them are synecdoches, which take a lowly shovel or tan lace-ups and makes them stand for vast public-works projects or national invasions. Very cool. Gary Johnson uses it to form a smelly picture in the audience’s head, linking Obama’s stimulus to dog do. Democratic discourse at its best!  (Johnson apparently stole the line from Rush Limbaugh, which makes it even better.)

In general, if you want to label something, use the belonging trope to create a positive or negative image. If you can be scatological to boot, why, you may qualify to run for president.