He Can Follow a Recipe, But Can He Cook?

Quote: "By all accounts, John Roberts is the kind of guy you might want your daughter to bring home for dinner: brilliant, personable, possibly destined for greatness." USA Today on the shoo-in for Supreme Court Chief Justice

Term: Phronesis (fro NEE sis), or street savvy

Aristotle defined phronesis as "practical wisdom." It's the flip side of sophia, or theoretical wisdom.

Roberts is "brilliant." That's sophia. But Aristotle praised leaders who could also use judgment in particular circumstances, combining book smarts with street smarts. That's phronesis. If Roberts has both, he'll make a great Chief Justice.

Snappy Answer: "My daughter wants to know if he can unclog a toilet."

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Unbelievable

Quote: "To see homeless dying of thirst and lack of medical care in the middle of the street escapes comprehension." Editorial in the Brazilian newspaper Jornal do Brasil

Figure of Speech: inopinatum (in op in OT um), the figure of disbelief

Inopinatum expresses disbelief for emphasis: "I can't believe I ate the whole thing."

People around the world are wondering aloud how America—America!—can so thoroughly botch a hurricane. In the aftermath of Katrina, inopinatum (Latin for “powerless”) isn't just a figure, it's a mood.

Snappy Answer: "None. We can't believe it either."

Next, He'll Give New Orleans a Tax Break

Quote: "I think there ought to be zero tolerance of people breaking the law during an emergency such as this." President Bush, responding to reports of lawless chaos in New Orleans

Figure: Heterogenium (het er oh GEE nee um), the figure of distraction.

Heterogenium is Greek for "different kind." It's a way to change the subject, distracting the audience from the main issue by, say, blaming the victim. Did looters slash the budget for fixing the dikes? Are they the reason federal help was so late in coming?

And what does "zero tolerance" mean? That a young mother grabbing formula from a wrecked store should be treated the same as a gun nut shooting at helicopters?

Snappy Answer: "There should be zero tolerance for politicians who call for 'zero tolerance'."

A Fatwa on the Paparazzi!

Quote: "In the same way Islamic radicalism is one of the curses of our times, so is celebrity culture." Salman Rushdie, celebrity writer

Figure of Speech: analogy (an AL oh gee), the figure of parallel cases

"Analogy" comes from the Greek for "proportion." But after years of hiding from radical Islamic assassins, Rushdie now dates hottie "Star Trek" empress Padma Lakshmi. Which curse would you choose?

No figure currently exists for a wildly disproportionate analogy, so let's make one up. Call it a rushdy.

Snappy Answer: "Let's invade Hollywood!"

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“Arrange Those @*%# Flowers, Yo”

Quote: "She didn't just invent the business…She IS the business." Promo for "Martha rules," Martha Stewart's new reality show

Figure of Speech: antistrophe (an TIS troh fee), the last-word repeater

The antistrophe reuses the last word in a phrase or clause. Martha really likes the figure. "I don't want to lose my patience," she says in the promo. "None of you want me to lose my patience."

Welcome to Martha's ex-con ethos, with America as her bitch.

Snappy Answer: "And now she's GIVING us the business."

Brad & Jen’s Plumbing Clogged by Used Tabloid!

Quote: "World Exclusive! The Toilet That Destroyed Brad & Jen's Marriage!" Headline in the tabloid Star

Term: post hoc ergo propter hoc, the Chanticleer fallacy

You know Chanticleer, the rooster who thought his crowing made the sun rise? Post hoc ergo propter hoc is Latin for "after this, therefore because of this." Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston may well have debated over an old stainless-steel jailhouse toilet and sink (he wanted them in their bathroom, she didn't, according to Star). And they did break up. But did the toilet cause the split? We'll call a post hoc foul.

Snappy Answer: "Nice going. After you printed that, they both had to use the bathroom."

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