Saddle Up, Patriots, We’re Back on the Campaign Trail

Quote:  "Well, I think they're just engaging in politics."  White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan

Figure of Speech:  ad hominem (add HOM in em), the character attack.

Looks like Karl Rove is back in the saddle.  After a couple of weeks of uncomfortable forthrightness, the White House is back in campaign, i.e., attack, mode.

At yesterday's press briefing, a reporter asked McClellan to comment on some Senators' concerns about "unchecked invasions of privacy," given the revelation that the White House ignored legally established secret courts to spy on American citizens. Instead of answering the question, McClellan attacked the Senators' motive.  The president used the same words in a speech yesterday.

In logic, that's a fallacy.  In political debate, it's a given.  But, guys, can we have a debate?

Snappy Answer:  "Unlike the White House.  Ask Karl Rove."

Bush Prefers “Enemy”

Quote:  "PERSON OF INTEREST – Found within the context of legal commentary, but seldom encountered at cocktail parties."   Lake Superior State University 2006 List of Banished Words.

Figure of Speech:  litotes, the figure of ironic understatement.

For 31 years the school chooses the most annoying, useless and over-used phrases. Its PR guy came up with the idea, which should tell you something.  He said he did it with "tongue firmly in cheek," a phrase that eminently deserves banishment.

Nonetheless, the school's litotes, "seldom encountered at cocktail parties," works.  We are not unamused.

Snappy Answer:  "My friends call me 'Perp.'"

Bruce Springsteen for Supreme Court!

Quote:  "He will have a couple hairs out of place.  I am not sure his glasses fit his facial features.  He might not wear the right color tie.  He won't be tanned.  He will look like he is from New Jersey, because he is."  Murder board participant speaking of Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito in the New York Times.

Figure of Speech:  effictio (ef FIK tio), the body figure.

The effictio comes from the Latin for "to fashion," appropriately.  It describes a person in such detail that you can picture him right before you.  The anonymous murder board member uses one to prepare us for an un-Roberts-like performance by Sam Alito next week.  No glib nominee here; this guy's from New Jersey.

In case you're not up on your media etymology, a murder board isn't as fun as it sounds.  It rehearses nominees for Senate hearings.

Snappy Answer:  "Put Alito on 'Queer Eye.'  They’ll fix him right up."

Is That an AK-47 Or Are You Glad to See Me?

Quote:  "By hugging the enemy, wrapping our arms around them, we hope to control them."  Anonymous U.S. commander quoted in the Washington Post.

Figure of Speech:  epergesis (eh per GEE sis), the clarifier.  (Also spelled epexegesis.)

The military is adding "mentors" in Iraq to keep the Shiite militias and death squads, a.k.a. "the Iraq army," from killing Sunnis.  The commander uses an epergesis (Greek for "explanation"), which clarifies a statement—just in case you thought "hugging the enemy" was just a metaphor.

We could stand a little more clarification, though.  Can you tell us who the enemy is again?

Snappy Answer:  "No kissing, though.  Then they control you."

A Machine! Let’s Put Money In It!

Quote:  "Regardless of which mechanical apparatus is added; regardless of how many funny cartoons there are; regardless of whether they play the song from a TV show, give the player a board game to play, play the overture from Les Misérables, or get down on one knee and sing ‘Mammy’, all modern slot machines are computers.”  Frank Legato, author of "How to Win Millions Playing Slot Machines!... or Lose Trying."

Figure of Speech:  anaphora (an AH for ah), the first-word repeater.

The anaphora (Greek for "carrying back") is crude but effective; just begin every clause or phrase with the same word and let it build to a crescendo.

Author Frank Legato uses an anaphora to describe the sophistication of slot machines that coax suckers' food budget and house payments into their friendly maws.  According to the Atlantic Monthly, America now has twice as many gambling machines as ATMs, "and more than a quarter of American adults now list gambling as their No. 1 entertainment choice."

We'll take that as good news.  Three out of four Americans aren't complete idiots.

Snappy Answer:  "You should shorten that book title to Millions Lose Trying."

Johnny Is So Creative, It’s Scary.

Quote:  "The student works to the best of his ability."  Common teacher recommendation for college applicants, according to admissions officers in USA Today.

Figure of Speech:  ennoia (en NOY a), the figure of faint praise.

According to USA Today, more than a tenth of teacher recommendations damn applicants through faint praise.  They employ the ennoia (Greek for "hidden intention").  The figure gets frequent exercise in our wimpy, argument-averse culture.  "Thirty years ago, a letter might have said that Johnny is not a nice person," says Lee Stetson, dean of admissions at the University of Pennsylvania, "whereas today the letter might say that Johnny does not have many friends."

Extremely enoiing.

Snappy Answer:  "Thank you for your candor."