Afterward, Mr. Rumsfeld Handed Checks to the Reporters.

Quote:  "Our enemies have skillfully adapted to fighting wars in today's media age, but for the most part we, our country, our government, has not."  Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld, speaking to the Council on Foreign Relations.

Figure of Speech:  appositio (ap po SIT io), the adjacent addition.

Rumsfeld wants to bribe more journalists, and he uses an appositio (Latin for "placement near") to clarify whom he means by "we."  The English word apposite -- fitting, relevant -- comes from this figure. Be careful with subject-verb agreement when you use it; the Secretary tripped over "we...has not."

Rumsfeld is not talking about propaganda, mind you.  He calls it a "strategic communications initiative." That's fedspeak for "sink hole of money."

Snappy Answer:  "Can we first skillfully adapt to occupying a country?"

Noah? God on Line 2.

Quote:  "It would be another planet."  Jim Hansen, NASA's chief climatologist, in The Independent.

Figure of Speech:  cataplexis (cat a PLEEX is), the jeremiad.

The cataplexis (Greek for "awful menace") warns of catastrophic punishment for ill deeds. The Biblical prophet Jeremiah was a master at it -- hence the jeremiad, which is the more common name for this kind of dire warning.

Jim Hansen swings the figure like an avenging sword by interpreting the latest data on Greenland's icebergs. They are sliding toward the ocean much faster than scientists had predicted.  "You could imagine great armadas of icebergs breaking off Greenland and melting as they float south," Hansen says. "And, of course, huge areas being flooded."  The Earth could turn into a giant bourbon on the rocks during this century.

Hansen was the guy NASA's political appointees told to shut up. He didn't.

Snappy Answer:  "Good. We could use another planet."

In the Spirit of Non-Partisanship, This Entry Is Almost Entirely Free of Shooting Jokes.

Quote:  "Whatever he does, Dick will do it his own way, because whatever he does, it will be the subject of ridicule."  Alan Simpson, former Wyoming senator, in the Washington Post.

Figure of Speech:  ceratin (se RAT in), the horns of a dilemma.

The Shooter in Chief (Senator Lott's moniker, not ours) is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.  Alan Simpson describes the veep's condition with a ceratin, which comes from the Greek word for "horns."

Poor Cheney can't get a break.  Now the shooting victim seems to have birdshot in his heart among the mystifying "six to 200" other pellets, according to doctors.  Dick must be furious at the guy.  But we may never know, unless the dwindling number of un-indicted and un-shot cronies starts to blab.

We have a suggestion for any leaker:  stay out of range.

Snappy Answer:   "What if we promise not to laugh?"

The Most Frugal President Since Bill Clinton.

Quote:  "We have reduced the growth of non-security discretionary spending every year since 2001." White House press office.

Figure of Speech:  leptologia (lep to LO gia), quibbling.

Bush says "we're well on the way" to cutting the deficit in half by 2009.  So why does the Congressional Budget Office predict that the deficit will increase by at least $1.36 trillion over the next decade?

Because the budget doesn’t count little extra things like war and tax cuts.  They're not included in "non-security discretional spending."

The White House is doing a masterful job of quibbling -- leptologia ("subtle argument") in Greek.  It's the art of misleading through the use of careful language.  Bush has carefully acquired a reputation as a plain-speaking guy -- a reputation that language snobs foster when they make fun of Bushisms.  But don't be fooled by the clumsy speech.  You're dealing with a master rhetorician.

Being a fan of artful obfuscation, Figaro loves this president.

Snappy Answer:  "And you've cut the amount of honest reporting from Washington by more than 50 percent."

Afterward, Mr. Cheney Had to Suppress the Desire to Shoot Someone Else.

Quote:  "He didn't do what he was supposed to do."  Katharine Armstrong, owner of the Texas ranch where Dick Cheney shot a fellow hunter. 

Figure of Speech:  pareuresis (pa ROOR eh sis), the great excuse.

Harry Whittington, a bigshot Texas lawyer, was hunting quail with Cheney when he got in the veep's line of fire.  If you've ever been quail hunting, you know that's easy to do.  The damn little birds fly in all directions.

Indeed, Whittington should have said something before he walked up behind Cheney.  But a prime rule of hunting is to look before you shoot.  So we'd place the blame at 50-50.  Instead, Karen Armstrong uses a pareuresis (Greek for "pretext"), an overwhelming excuse that often comes in the form of blaming the victim.

We're guessing that Ms. Armstrong is a Republican.

Snappy Answer:  "Then he deserved to be shot."

Call Me Violent Again and I’ll Kill You.

Quote:  "No one doubts that the press should be free to satirize. But freedom of the press cannot excuse the promotion of noxious stereotypes." Reza Aslan in Slate.

Figure of Speech:  paromologia (pa ro mo LOW gia), the sacrificed pawn of rhetoric.

Danish newspapers publish nasty cartoons of Prophet Mohammed, one replacing his turban with a bomb. Furious at this stereotype of the violent Muslim, some of the faithful respond with ... violence.

Writer Reza Aslan, a Muslim herself, offers a more effective rebuttal to the newspapers:  Shame on them.  She does it with a paromologia (Greek for "agree with"), a figure that concedes a point in order to make a stronger one. It's a close relative of concessio.

Snappy Answer:  "You're right.  But anger doesn't excuse acting like a stereotype."