What Do You Call No-Bid Contracting? Halliburtin’.

Quote:   "Lobbyists were trolling for hurrigains almost before New Orleans flooded." Term used in Pseudodictionary.com, a site dedicated to made-up words

Figure of Speech:   neologism (NEE oh loh gism), the new word

What’s a $200 billion hurricane windfall with no oversight?  That kind of money merits its very own word,  so we submitted "hurrigain" to Pseudodictionary, a website that boasts more than 20,000 neologisms.

Three easy ways to coin a neologism:

• Base it on a name (a figure called an eponym)
  
• Change a part of speech (an anthimeria)
  
• Combine two words in a punning fashion. That's what we did here.

Snappy Answer:  "And we'll call no-bid contractors villainaires."

Got a snappier answer?  Email Figaro.

The Lobby Bone Is Connected to the House Bone…

Quote:   "Even though DeLay has nothing to do with Frist, and Frist has nothing to do with Abramoff, how does it look?  Not good."  William Kristol, editor of the conservative Weekly Standard, quoted in the New York Times.

Figure of Speech:   Anadiplosis (ann ah die PLO sis), the last-word first-word repetition

Kristol is being very clever with this anadiplosis -- a figure that uses the last line of a clause to begin the next one.  ("For want of a shoe the horse was lost, for want of a horse the rider was lost...") The House majority leader’s indictment has nothing to do with the Senate majority leader’s investigation, which has nothing do the thoroughly corrupt Republican lobbyist. But Kristol's anadiplosis disguises the fact that Tom DeLay has a whole lot to do with Jack Abramoff.

Who says figures aren't useful?

Snappy Answer:   "If you're a Democrat, it looks terrific."

It’s an Ostrich…It’s a Political Appointee… It’s Screwup Man!

Quote:  "So I guess you want me to be the superhero, to step in there and take everyone out of New Orleans." Former FEMA director Michael Brown, testifying before Congress

Figure of Speech:  diasyrmus (die ah SIR mus), the silly comparison

The diasyrmus (Greek for "tear apart") belittles the opponent's argument with a ridiculous analogy. The disgraced federal bureaucrat employs the perfect figure in this case. Imagine Michael Brown as a superhero.

Snappy Answer:  "What I wanted you to do is your job..."  (For once we didn’t have to make this up! Chris Shays, a Republican congressman from Connecticut, said it in reply to Brown.)

Burning Gas Like There’s No Tomorrow: That’s Sound Energy Policy

Quote:   "Conservation may be a sign of personal virtue, but it cannot be the basis of a sound energy policy." Vice President Dick Cheney, 2001, quoted in The New York Times

Figure of Speech:  synchoresis (sin cho REE sis), conceding a point to make a stronger one

Cheney makes good use of a synchoresis -- the rhetorical equivalent of sacrificing a pawn.  A really great synchoresis manages to belittle an opponent's point while seeming to concede it.  Even "virtue" sounds wimpy and un-American when Dick Cheney says it.

Snappy Answer:   "We sure wouldn't want to base our energy policy on your personal virtue, would we, Mr. Vice President?"

Can We at Least Childproof the White House?

Quote:   "You don't have the resources to childproof the entire country." George Friedman, chairman of Stratfor, a consulting firm based in Austin, Texas, in USA Today

Figure of Speech:   reductio ad absurdum, taking an argument to its extreme

To ridicule the notion that the nation can prepare for every disaster, Friedman uses reductio ad absurdum, which in Latin literally means "reducing to absurdity."  This figure of thought pursues an opponent's argument to an illogical conclusion.

Snappy Answer:   "No, but let's see if we can pass disaster pre-school."

Got a snappier answer? Email Figaro.

I Would, But You Forgot to Supply Pens

Quote:  "Perhaps they should write their Social Security numbers on their arms with indelible ink."  Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco

Figure of Speech:  apagoresis (ah pah gore EE sis), the "better not" figure

An apagoresis works to talk someone out of doing something.  Blanco uses an ironic version of it--implying that Social Security numbers will help identify the corpses--to dissuade coastal residents from sitting out Hurricane Rita. 

Snappy Answer:  "They should also include their Lotto number.  It beats FEMA debit cards."